If you have read any of my other blogs, you will obviously call to mind that food is taken very seriously here! Very Very Seriously! When it comes to new food adventures, we have done it all! Well practically…. We have had enough sushi to put a dent in migrating habits of yellowtail tuna! We have tried every part of a pig except the squeal! There must be a boogie man story in chicken dens that mother chickens tell their young chicks. Eat all your seeds and go to bed or Pkitass and master will eat you! We have had every incarnation of chicken one can think of: fried, rotisserie, baked, grilled, smoked, BBQ’d, stir-fried, boiled, shish kabob, don’t I sound like Bubba from Forrest Gump explaining all the kinds of ways one can cook shrimp (boiled shrimp, bbq shrimp, etc.). Master himself has a Zen like appreciation of any and all things beef! He hears angels singing in the clouds and the sun shines like a beacon upon him when he finds that perfectly marbleized prime cut of Rib Eye or porterhouse.
Last week was Master’s Birthday! He is now thirty ei-mh-mh- (making throat noises) years old. That’s right in a couple of years I will be expecting to see Master arrive to work with his hair dyed platinum blond or really really dark black sporting tight leather pants while riding a Harley with a 21 year old blond sitting in the back.
In honor of his birthday and to commemorated his thirty ei-mh-mh- (making throat noises) years of making the local female population every so happy, we decided to celebrate his many many many contributions to the female half of civilization by partaking in the Brazilian gaucho tradition of Churrasco and going to Picanha Churrascaria. Churrasco is the Brazilian word for barbecue and Picanha is all you can eat baby! You guessed it! It’s the Brazilian version of an all you can eat BBQ. Well, with a twist! This isn’t your traditional BBQ place of baby back ribs and pulled pork with a heavy BBQ sauce. Nope! Churrasco describes a 300 year old Brazilian tradition that originated in the pampas, or prairie ranchlands, of Brazil. In the churrasco tradition, gauchos (Brazilian cowboys) barbequed marinated beef pork and poultry on long skewers over an open fire pit. Imagine every kind of cut on meat on shish kabob skewers on steroids! When you are seated at your table, there is no menu to order from, instead what you get is a small wooden cylinder the size of a salt shaker with green on one end and red on the other. Yup! You guessed it! Green means GO!! And… I think, from what I’ve been told, Red means STOP. Not that we ever bothered with that end of the indicator!! Once the Green is facing up on your table, a myriad of traditionally dressed Brazilian gauchos (cowboys) with riding boots, hefty leather belts and whips begin a graceful dance of sizzling meat! Each gaucho carries a sword ladened with various types of meats crackling and hissing straight from the fire pit. The skewered meat is carved right onto your plate so you always get that super tasty and savory outer caramelized portions of each cut. That night alone we enjoyed a flurry of fire roasted meats including Fillet Mignon, Garlic Steak, Tri Tip, Bacon Wrapped Chicken, Sirloin Tip, Pork ribs, Spicy Chicken, Mongolian Steak, Polish Sausage, Linguica (Brazilian sausage), Parmesan Pork Loin, Masters favorite (Pichanha, a super choice part of top Sirlion mariniated in garlic and zesty pepers), and My favorite (Leg of lamb marinated with lemons garlic and oregano).
Waiters at Picanha
Being a renowned veteran of the Korean BBQ scene, and having prepared all day in anticipation of the overindulgently boundless and amazingly flavorful debauchery of tantalizing carnal feast, I thought that my malicious and malevolent gastronome partner and I would do some serious damage to this Brazilian manifestation of meaty delight. We hit the ground running! It was surreal… all one could notice were the whip wearing blue shirts in a seemingly chaotic yet oh so well-orchestrated prance of sizzling meats!
Look at all the meats!
Tri tip? Why sure!
Fellet Mignon? But of course!
Polish and Brazillian Sausages? Now who could say no to sausage?
Picanha? Ha ha ha.. need you ask?
Pork ribs? Heck give me two!
Leg of Lamb? Ehm…. Can you just leave the entire skewer?
Multiply above conversation by 5 or 6
After 45 min or so… I saw it! I almost cried in the middle of the restaurant! Noooooooooooooooo! Say it aint so! Say it aint so! The dreaded look of defeat in Masters eyes was apparent! How could this have happened? How? What could have caused this? Did he go to a breakfast buffet in the morning that I didn’t know about? Did he just come from a luau? How can he be full already! Only 45 min in!!! HOW??? Its grilled meats for gosh sake! GRILLED MEATS!!
What can I say? Master is obviously not the fearlessly gluttons connoisseur of all things meat that he used to be! It must be the age! Thirty ei-mh-mh- (making throat noises) years has put a toll on the reinforced, some say armored, indestructibly durable stomach of his!
When it came time to pay, I obviously jumped out of my seat and grabbed the check. I guess if he can’t eat like a man, It will be up to me to undertake the burdens of Manly tasks! Pansy! ( Buuuuuuurp…. Scratching my crotch!) You see, not hard at all! Like any Manly baller, I didn’t even look at the bill! I just whipped out the cold hard cash from my purse…. Ehm back pocket…. And put it on top of the check.
Paying the bill with an oversized $100 bill.
The anticipation of the waiter to come and get the check was almost as fun as all the meats we consumed that night. With a very serious face, fighting very hard the overwhelming urgency to laugh my head off, I began a conversation with Master as the unassuming waiter attempted to collect the check for dinner… I just couldn’t hold it! I had to laugh! And not just laugh a little, but laugh like you laugh when you’re in 4th grade and the kid across the table accidently farts during lunch in a very quiet cafeteria and the milk you were drinking squirts from your nostrils because your laughter was just so uncontrollable! Never the less, our waiter was not as amused as we were! Who cares! It was all well worth it! Another delightful epicurean experience notch in my belt!
All I Know Is This..... 