Tag Archives: Coffee thief

Choco Bueller’s Day Off

10 Jun

You might ask yourself… Why Pkitass? Why?? Why do you take so many chances and try to get free coffee from unsuspecting businesses when you can just fork over a couple of dollars at the local coffee shop and buy coffee like the rest of us?

Let me explain…

As our generation slowly progresses further and further into adulthood, I’ve noticed that youth is truly wasted on the young. Imagine all the things you could have done when you were young and carefree. No work… No Bills… No Kids… No mortgage… Just the vast unadulterated future ahead full of wondrous possibilities.

I, along with most others from the cool 80’s generation, have begun to miss the carefree days of parachute pants and the awesome original MTV videos. One of my fondest memories of Junior High was when there was a teacher assembly scheduled for half a day. Instead of sending everyone home, they gathered us in the auditorium and showed Ferris Bueller’s day off.

So, unlike others (ehm ehm) that buy insanely expensive fancy German sports cars and blast “Land down under” with the top down, my attempt at regaining my youth is to be mischievous and get away with my playfully naughty coffee adventures just like Ferris got away with his day off.

In the resonantly famous words of Ferris: “Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you can miss it!”

 

 

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Not For The Weak of Heart

20 May
Coffee Mission

 

This week’s video should have been longer but for some reason my phone kept stopping mid video. I was able to get 3 short clip that I  put together for you.  After watching the video, I noticed that you couldn’t really see the kitchenette. So, to provide the cinematic experience that I’m sure all of you are expecting and have come accustomed to, I went back later that day to take some additional pictures.  Don’t they say a thief always goes back to the scene of the crime?

This weeks coffee target was unimpressive to say the least. The kitchen was super tiny and very sloppy. It almost felt like the kitchen was an afterthought. That some mid level manager had an epiphany that perhaps employees might need to get water or coffee while toiling away in the maze of cubicles.  They even had a copier in the already claustrophobically small space. The only upside to the unorganized mess of the kitchenette was that they, to my surprise, actually had various types of sugars and creamers. Unfortunately I would soon find out why such variety was necessary.

NOW about the coffee. Who in the world are these people and what is it they do there? Was it the administrative office of  the living dead? Was this place a front for aliens pretending to be ordinary office workers so that they can blend in and learn our ways? The freaking coffee was SOOOO strong! Ungodly Strong! Not strong like TCIMaster’s potent espressos! Nope… This was more like concentrated sludge. Romulan Ale. Coffee colored moonshine. Surplus solvent mixed with the hint of used coffee grinds from another office! I should have stopped drinking and thrown the coffee (if you can call it that) away after taking the first sip! Why don’t I ever learn!? Perhaps because I was always taught “waste not what not”. Silly me ended up finishing the entire cup of coffee(industrial solvent).

So you say, Big Deal! its just bad tasting coffee!? No my dear friends… NO! I kid you not, I think they either accentuate their office coffee experience with the addition of speed or heroin just for an extra kick.   After drinking that one and only cup of coffee I ended up having the shakes all day, my heart was racing continually, and I’m pretty sure I could feel my fingernails and hair growing. Are you supposed to be able to see through walls?  How these people sleep after drinking their coffee is beyond me. They should post a warning sign and require “outsiders” to sign a waiver.   This is the price I pay for my frugality! One a side note, I did notice a rather prolific patch of dense hair on my chest the next morning.  Huh.. Maybe this could be used as a supplement to Rogaine!

Rating is 5 shocked faces Surprised smileSurprised smileSurprised smileSurprised smileSurprised smile 

For the rest of the day  I walked around like Corky Romano.  If anyone out there needs their fix, let me know! I can get this stuff much cheaper than your local crack, meth or crank dealer! Same effect, yet considerably cheaper!

This was me all day

On Hold

6 May

I know you’re here  today to see this weeks coffee post. But  due to my iphone 4 breaking down on me yesterday I will not be able to post todays coffee video. Since the video is on my phone and all. On a side not I’m very sad to not have my phone Sad smilenext to my TV its my second favorite thing.

I’m putting you all on hold till Monday…..

 

Our readers are important to us, please hold for the next available representative.

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Our readers are important to us, please hold for the next available representative.

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Thank you for holding, all representatives are busy at the moment trying to get the problem fixed, your call is important to us. Please hold for the next available representative.

(Song you hate the most gets to play in full)

Our readers are important to us, please hold for the next available representative.

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Just keep repeating this till I get back to you. Enjoy the on hold music while you wait.

TechSupportOnHold

Weekly Mission Impossible

7 Apr

I have decided to create a new weekly post. This isn’t going to be just any kind of post! It will be a weekly challenge of courage under relentless pressure, of insurmountable cunningness, the ability to stretch cuteness to unthinkable levels, and the personal strength and unorthodox use of wit and determination to achieve my final goal!

What could this monumental weekly challenge be might you ask? What remarkably extraordinary experiment would require such dexterity, such expertise, such proficient aptitude?

Let us reflect upon the birth of this inspirational contemplation!

A few weeks ago, I had tweeted, in my usual devilishly charming fashion, that in order to save money, and to add a bit more thrill and exhilaration to my day, I would fill my coffee cup from random business’s.

Back Camera

This got me thinking… Could I, little innocent me,  be so smooth, so shrewd and cunning as to inconspicuously walk into an indiscriminatingly random business and fill my mug with their coffee, in plain sight mind you, without being perceptibly noticed or caught?

Huh! Now that I have the challenge,  time to think actual logistics.. Has all the time I’ve spent watching TV and black ops movies been just in vain? Would I be able to a assimilate myself in such a manner as to convince people that I actually belong there? Will I have sufficient technical expertise to functionally understand how to use every type of coffee machine I come across with? Laugh if you will! But it’s a valid concern! Not all coffee machines are alike!  Some are simple pots of coffee on a hot plates, there are commercial types with spigots and such, and lets not forget the super extravagant heavily optioned fancy ones! Heck! You need a degree in engineering from MIT to use the espresso machine at the office! 

So I ask myself…. Can I take such a risk and accept this challenge? Or will I end up  on the 6 o’clock news? I say bring it on! Challenge Accepted!

handcuffed_woman

Every week on  a Friday I will post my coffee adventures.  I’m still undecided what to name such a unique challenge.

Some ideas:

  • Coffee Daredevil
  • Your Joe to Go
  • The Coffee Nabber
  • Pkitass Bean and Gone
  • See You Latte
  • Café I Go Go
  • Lock your Latte

I like most of the names but no one title is screaming at me! I think there is a more befittingly unique title out there! If anyone has any suggestions, then please, I’m all ears.

So to recap! Any day between Monday and Thursday the idea is for me to pick a completely random office or business and simply walk in as if I belonged there, austerely find and continue on to their coffee-break room or kitchen and serve myself a nice delicious cup of coffee.  I will take a picture of the random business’s kitchen or coffee room as proof. However, I will not post any information of the business, just in case someone that actually works there and isn’t simply pretending to belong there, happens to cross upon my blog.  Once my mission is accomplished, I will endeavor to either leave the building with my cup of coffee in hand with a big grin on my face or be caught and humiliated for attempting such an intricately complicated, yet devilishly satisfying, harmless stunt!

I think I should get extra points if I make it all the way to the coffee machine and have to make a new pot of coffee or leave with a pastry in hand.

11515Drink-Coffee-Poster

Warning:

Please do not attempt this yourself. Attempting this yourself my result in injury or arrest. But if you are crazy enough to do it then don’t forget to take pictures. Smile