Archive | December, 2011

2012 New Year’s Resolution

31 Dec

Happy-New-Year-2012

As another New Year’s Eve is upon our doorstep, I sit here staring at my computer screen trying to think about something so epic to post on my blog about ending 2011 and the start of a new year. However, all I can really think about is how there’s nothing good to watch on Netflix anymore, wondering why the cat is trying to bite my leg, listening to Tinkle snore as she sits on my lap and typing random words on my keyboard hoping in the end it will all make some sort of sense.

Master keeps asking me what my New Year’s Resolution is going to be. I know we all vow to accomplish the usual cliché things: Lose weight, spend more time with the family, swear off smoking maybe even quite drinking. However, I don’t have a drinking problem! (I don’t drink before 5pm, (I’ve got klass people) and I only “friendly socially” smoke around other smokers. This got me thinking, what would be my New Years Resolution? So far after much thinking (I gave it a good 10mins) this is what I have come up with:

  • Watch more TV and or movies (you’d be surprised as to how much you can learn from TV shows, just the other night I learned how to make a shiv out of a toothbrush)
  • Try to drive at or under the speed limit ( only if there is a cop around and or if I’m not hungry or in a hurry )
  • Try not to worry so much (at least not in public, on twitter or Facebook)
  • Enjoy more of the sweeter things in life (cupcakes,chocolate, cupcakes, candy, cupcakes, cake, cupcakes… you get the idea)
  • Always check for toilet paper stuck to my pants as I leave the restroom ( I bet you aren’t surprised to know it has happened to me before! Actually more times than I care to mention)
  • Gain more weight (I’m starting to see my feet again)
  • Read some more (but I’m counting Twitter, Facebook and blogs as reading material)
  • Get more organized (I still cant find any matching socks in the morning)
  • Stop procrastinating (after 12/21/12, having made sure the world has not ended, I’ll do my Christmas shopping by Dec. 23rd and not on the 24th like I did this year)
  • Be a better role model for my daughter (she still can’t get the basic double flip single knee arched back cradle move on the pole)
  • Get more ME time (bathroom tweeting time doesn’t count anymore)

So there you have it! My New Year’s Resolution! But who are we kidding? You know I’m not going to make it past January…. or will I?

Now as we sit back and pretend that 2011 never happened and look forward to the Mayan apocalypse, I’d like to wish everyone a safe and Happy New Year’s

I’d also like to hear what your New Year’s resolutions are .

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Wordless Wednesday

28 Dec

gato

A Hot Weekend

19 Dec

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It was  just as regular Saturday morning. I woke up around 8, it was cold cloudy and gloomy, perfect sleeping weather, so I decided to go back to bed and take a 30 min nap. Hey!  it’s still early, it’s the weekend, I can splurge on a little extra sleep.  Fast forward  4 hours later and 60 text alerts later I find myself waking up once again. I swear I only closed my eyes for a second!

Why am I alarmed? Good question! Did I have an appointment I just missed? Did the turkey burn in the oven? Did my morning strip-o-gram come and go? No……. Its Saturday! And  Saturdays usually mean one thing, its Costco day! Better known to the uninitiated out there as sampling day! Now I don’t need to profess to all the practiced and proficient samplers out there that you have to get to Costco early in order to try ALL the variety of  samples. Also, especially important, avoid the crowds of amateur Hodge Podge samplers! There’s a real art to this people!

In a panic, much like Macaulay Culkin in Home alone when He realizes he is left all by himself, I clench my face , bellow a subtle” Nooooooooo!”and hurry to shower and get ready to meet up with my sampling partner in crime.  He is known in 13 states as the “Costco Casanova”, In Australia he is referred to as the “Auburn Adonis”, in Acapulco as “El Chulo de Costco”, he is even rumored to be the fabled “Spicy Kim Chi Swooner” of Costcos in Korea! Most of us know him as Master.  I quickly began to properly stretch and limber up for the activities ahead! Don’t want to repeat the sampling cramp debacle of 2008  again! Everyone knows not to swim for half an hour after eating, but nooooo! No one warns you to stretch before beginning sampling! Ha! That’s why this is not for the amateurs, timid or weak of heart! On a side note, the legwarmers and the “flash dance” outfit I wear to stretch and prepare still look ever as cool as they did in the mid 80’s! Awesome! just Awesome! dare I even say Legendary!  Ever so slightly in the background I hear the high pitched screech of a supercharger, then the thunderous roar of the engine…. Master is here! We first stop at the PO Box to see if I have any last minute Christmas gifts from my FB, Twitter or blogging friends (ehm! hint, hint).  I find an unassuming manila envelope and a pretty purple envelope (thanks Josef) waiting for me. Oh! As I glanced at the return address on the manila envelope, my heart skipping a little and my mouth began to slightly drool, it was the promised beef jerky from a fellow PGPeep.  It turns out I was one of the lucky 10 peeps to receive Mr. Keith BigBabyJesus Brower’s home made beef jerky. Since I wanted to savor every bite, and absolutely NO FOOD is allowed in the AMG, I decide (some might say FORECD with threats of bodily harm) to wait and not open my surprise beef jerky gift until I was safe back at the office.

Normally on a weekend, it takes about an hour just to find a suitable parking space. Add the fact that it is December and its one week away from Christmas, of course it’s a mad house in the parking lot! Not to worry, I have complete confidence in Masters driving ability. You need to have professional driving skills; I mean Grand Prix kind not just regular, I passed the DMV test so now I can drive skills. Reaction times must be swift, braking and acceleration response must be rapid. Eyes open for rogue shopping carts, unassuming people haphazardly waiting and blocking the street, cars pulling out without looking,  the  sense of danger on high alert, eyes wide open for that oh so prime parcel of parking space or any space at all for that matter. There! There! I shriek! A premiere parking space about to open by an elderly lady leaving.  Before I could finish the “…re” from me screaming “There”, Master had already gunned the engine, dropped into 1st gear and was drifting sideways in a billow of tire smoke into the parking space! Mere seconds after and inches behind the vacating car. Bravo! Bravo I say!

Once parked we went straight to the food section where the net haired maidens were distributing the various morsels of sampling delight. We have to make up for all the lost time! Me being the professional sampler that I am, I quickly mapped out my sampling route… Fruits, cheeses, guacamole, tamales, ham, calamari (that’s a tricky one… long lines for those), should I risk it? I turn and tell Master “Lets do this thing!” With the skills of a ninja I hit the first couple of stands. Not only do I get my own samples but I must also manage to get Master his samples.  Master knows the drill, he with his superstar looks distracts the ladies while I snatch the goodies. Boom! Done and done! Off we go onto the next table! Yet again, like deer in headlights, all the housewives swoon and look away to gaze at Master the Costco Casanova, Muha ha ha ha , I get two more samples!   All was going well until a lady bumps me with her shopping cart! Owwwwwwww! As I bend down to rub my ankle she quickly snatched the last two samples from the tray! Oh no you didn’t!!  Can this be! Could there be a woman unaffected by Masters remarkable charms? Can she really absorb all that enchanting alluring charisma and simply focus on the samples! How could this be! Is she far sighted? She cant see? Does she play for the “other team”? Or is she just a trained professional!

Imagine the rest of what happens in slow motion! I erect myself to full stature.  Somehow wind is blowing in my hair… My scarf flaps ever so rhythmically… I hear heroic music begin to play… I puff my chest and am about to yell like king Leonidas  “THIS…. IS…. PKITASS!!!!!!” and retaliate!  When all of a sudden everything went back to normal speed as the sweet aroma of a smoked salmon sample that Master quickly handed me calmed me down sufficiently to impeded my retaliatory actions! Never underestimate the power of smoked fish!  The lady smirked ever so condescendingly and left.  Perhaps I was unable to retaliate, but by gosh, if looks could kill! she would have been dead several times over. I think I have just met my Costco nemesis! Game On “Shin Hurting with Shopping Cart Sample Stealing Lady” or SHWSCSSL! Game On!

Back at the office, once everything was put away, I proceed to open my package. I was very very excited to discover what culinary delight was in store for me. I had heard so many good things about Mr. Brower’s beef jerky.  Remember the scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark when they finally open the Ark of the Covenant and all the ghost like entities escape and float around right before they turn demonic and kill everyone? Imagine the same thing… Just without Nazis or a bullwhip packing archeologist tied to a post.   As I slowly began  to rip the package open I immediately got a whiff of the meaty goodness that was to be in my mouth soon.  I had been pre-warned that it would be spicy and to take certain precautions while handling it.  Ha I say! Ha!  I’m of Mexican decent! I come from a long proud line of chili eaters. As a kid, we used to eat chilies as candy for Halloween!  How bad can it possible be? I take my first bite and proclaim with much bravado to Master, HA! It’s not as bad as they all said it would be.  However, just like in Raiders! the ghost angels quickly turned into demons and…. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! You have to give it a few seconds for All the wonderful spiciness to fully permeate your mouth! It doesn’t hit you right away, It actually lets you enjoy and savor the sweetness of the beef jerky first then when you least expect it BAM!

Over all it was a very tasty experience! So what if your mouth goes numb afterwards! Who cares if everything tastes the same the entire weekend! the taste of the  jerky makes all worth it.  Mr. Brower thank you for the treat, you can burn my mouth with your meat anytime.

 

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One Year Later…..

7 Dec

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Just when you think all pain has subsided you find yourself waking up at 5AM one year later with the feeling of pain and sadness washing over you like a cold Dec. shower. 

For those of you who have been reading my blog for the past  year or so you know what today is and for those of you who just recently have stumbled upon my blog you can catch up on my past here 

Today is the one year anniversary of my darling little Tiki Tiki’s passing. Tiki Tiki had Hydrocephalus and on Dec 7th 2010 at 5 Am he passed away in my arms.

All week I’ve found myself in such a foul, cranky mood not knowing why, some days it goes as far as giving me migraines. I think I know why now.

Rest in peace my Tiki Tiki, you are missed so very much even thou you were taken away from us you will forever live in our hearts.

 

The smallest man that forever stole my heart.