Tag Archives: Coffee nabber

Not For The Weak of Heart

20 May
Coffee Mission

 

This week’s video should have been longer but for some reason my phone kept stopping mid video. I was able to get 3 short clip that I  put together for you.  After watching the video, I noticed that you couldn’t really see the kitchenette. So, to provide the cinematic experience that I’m sure all of you are expecting and have come accustomed to, I went back later that day to take some additional pictures.  Don’t they say a thief always goes back to the scene of the crime?

This weeks coffee target was unimpressive to say the least. The kitchen was super tiny and very sloppy. It almost felt like the kitchen was an afterthought. That some mid level manager had an epiphany that perhaps employees might need to get water or coffee while toiling away in the maze of cubicles.  They even had a copier in the already claustrophobically small space. The only upside to the unorganized mess of the kitchenette was that they, to my surprise, actually had various types of sugars and creamers. Unfortunately I would soon find out why such variety was necessary.

NOW about the coffee. Who in the world are these people and what is it they do there? Was it the administrative office of  the living dead? Was this place a front for aliens pretending to be ordinary office workers so that they can blend in and learn our ways? The freaking coffee was SOOOO strong! Ungodly Strong! Not strong like TCIMaster’s potent espressos! Nope… This was more like concentrated sludge. Romulan Ale. Coffee colored moonshine. Surplus solvent mixed with the hint of used coffee grinds from another office! I should have stopped drinking and thrown the coffee (if you can call it that) away after taking the first sip! Why don’t I ever learn!? Perhaps because I was always taught “waste not what not”. Silly me ended up finishing the entire cup of coffee(industrial solvent).

So you say, Big Deal! its just bad tasting coffee!? No my dear friends… NO! I kid you not, I think they either accentuate their office coffee experience with the addition of speed or heroin just for an extra kick.   After drinking that one and only cup of coffee I ended up having the shakes all day, my heart was racing continually, and I’m pretty sure I could feel my fingernails and hair growing. Are you supposed to be able to see through walls?  How these people sleep after drinking their coffee is beyond me. They should post a warning sign and require “outsiders” to sign a waiver.   This is the price I pay for my frugality! One a side note, I did notice a rather prolific patch of dense hair on my chest the next morning.  Huh.. Maybe this could be used as a supplement to Rogaine!

Rating is 5 shocked faces Surprised smileSurprised smileSurprised smileSurprised smileSurprised smile 

For the rest of the day  I walked around like Corky Romano.  If anyone out there needs their fix, let me know! I can get this stuff much cheaper than your local crack, meth or crank dealer! Same effect, yet considerably cheaper!

This was me all day

Ready for it?

13 May

Are you ready for this weeks coffee mission?

Please Read The Safety Information Before Watching:

WARNING! 

  • All readers must be authorized to watch
  • Remain seated at all times
  • Do not look away at any second
  • Do not throw an objet at your computer screen
  • Do not drink or eat while watching
  • Persons who do not meet the minimum humor requirement may not watch
  • Prior to watching you must leave all loose issues and problems with a non watcher or secure them elsewhere
  • You should be in good physical condition and free from any heart conditions, motion sickness issues, back problems or any other physical ailments or limitations.
  • Expecting mothers should not watch
  • Young children must be accompanied by an adult.

 

WARNING SIGN

NOW PLEASE ENJOY THE VIDEO

Warning: This video can be harmful to my health.

 

If you had any problems or issues with this video please state your complaint in the comment section below.

Candid Coffee

29 Apr

Happy Friday!

They say a picture is worth a 1000 words… I wonder how many words a video is worth?

Without further ado… Here is my first attempt!

Attempt 1

After all that hard work… Carefully tiptoeing in, trying to act nonchalant as if I belong there, even going as far as making direct contact with employees, that oddly enough are not alarmed at my casual pace and determined course, FAIL! The Coffee Pot was empty!!!

EMPTY!!!!

‘Tis a lesson you should heed, try, try again. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

Back to the original Crime Scene… Hoping someone had made a fresh pot of coffee..

In order not to be so obvious, I placed my iPhone in my shirt pocket and walked into their office with the video function recording; hence the odd camera angles.

Attempt Number Duex

Attempt 2

 

Great Success!

Hope everyone enjoyed my adventure!

Have a great weekend people.

Weekly Mission Impossible

7 Apr

I have decided to create a new weekly post. This isn’t going to be just any kind of post! It will be a weekly challenge of courage under relentless pressure, of insurmountable cunningness, the ability to stretch cuteness to unthinkable levels, and the personal strength and unorthodox use of wit and determination to achieve my final goal!

What could this monumental weekly challenge be might you ask? What remarkably extraordinary experiment would require such dexterity, such expertise, such proficient aptitude?

Let us reflect upon the birth of this inspirational contemplation!

A few weeks ago, I had tweeted, in my usual devilishly charming fashion, that in order to save money, and to add a bit more thrill and exhilaration to my day, I would fill my coffee cup from random business’s.

Back Camera

This got me thinking… Could I, little innocent me,  be so smooth, so shrewd and cunning as to inconspicuously walk into an indiscriminatingly random business and fill my mug with their coffee, in plain sight mind you, without being perceptibly noticed or caught?

Huh! Now that I have the challenge,  time to think actual logistics.. Has all the time I’ve spent watching TV and black ops movies been just in vain? Would I be able to a assimilate myself in such a manner as to convince people that I actually belong there? Will I have sufficient technical expertise to functionally understand how to use every type of coffee machine I come across with? Laugh if you will! But it’s a valid concern! Not all coffee machines are alike!  Some are simple pots of coffee on a hot plates, there are commercial types with spigots and such, and lets not forget the super extravagant heavily optioned fancy ones! Heck! You need a degree in engineering from MIT to use the espresso machine at the office! 

So I ask myself…. Can I take such a risk and accept this challenge? Or will I end up  on the 6 o’clock news? I say bring it on! Challenge Accepted!

handcuffed_woman

Every week on  a Friday I will post my coffee adventures.  I’m still undecided what to name such a unique challenge.

Some ideas:

  • Coffee Daredevil
  • Your Joe to Go
  • The Coffee Nabber
  • Pkitass Bean and Gone
  • See You Latte
  • Café I Go Go
  • Lock your Latte

I like most of the names but no one title is screaming at me! I think there is a more befittingly unique title out there! If anyone has any suggestions, then please, I’m all ears.

So to recap! Any day between Monday and Thursday the idea is for me to pick a completely random office or business and simply walk in as if I belonged there, austerely find and continue on to their coffee-break room or kitchen and serve myself a nice delicious cup of coffee.  I will take a picture of the random business’s kitchen or coffee room as proof. However, I will not post any information of the business, just in case someone that actually works there and isn’t simply pretending to belong there, happens to cross upon my blog.  Once my mission is accomplished, I will endeavor to either leave the building with my cup of coffee in hand with a big grin on my face or be caught and humiliated for attempting such an intricately complicated, yet devilishly satisfying, harmless stunt!

I think I should get extra points if I make it all the way to the coffee machine and have to make a new pot of coffee or leave with a pastry in hand.

11515Drink-Coffee-Poster

Warning:

Please do not attempt this yourself. Attempting this yourself my result in injury or arrest. But if you are crazy enough to do it then don’t forget to take pictures. Smile