29 Jul


That opening crawl says it all! The EVIL OFFICE CAT Darth Kitty has struck again! In his continued obsession to annoy every living organism in the office, Darth Kitty has reached a new pinnacle in his unrelenting aggravation of the office personnel.  It all began very innocently, much like young Anakin Skywalker before he turned to the dark side, with irritating , all be it customary, cat issues.  
CAT HAIR all over the place! And I mean ALL OVER THE FREAKING PLACE! It just won’t stop! Cat hair on the counters, Cat hair on the computers, Cat hair on monitors, Cat hair on shelves, Cat hair on couches, Cat hair on books, Cat hair on the fridge, Cat hair IN THE FRIDGE (haven’t figured how that has happened yet), Cat hair in the Sink, Cat hair on the toilet, Cat hair on the stairs, Cat hair floating in the air! I bet you if I open a brand new, just bought from the store, bag of chips…. You guessed it! Somehow, someway, there will be cat hair in the unopened bag of Chips! I’m not sure if I am describing the cat hair situation thoroughly enough! Be as it may, there is Freaking Cat Hair EVERYWHERE!! Cough, Cough… You guessed it! More cat hair!
So one can say, “well that’s just one of the drawbacks of owning a cat”, and I would usually agree! This isn’t exactly my first rodeo! This sassy lady has been around the block a few times! Heck! MORE than a few times! I have owned my share of cats! Border lining the neighborhood Cat-lady even.  But never, and I truly mean NEVER, have I ever had to put up with this non-relenting, immeasurable, inexhaustible, boundless, endlessly vast quantities of Cat Hair!
Ok, ok… I’m an animal lover and can put up with the hair. Cause he’s such a cool office cat… Right?  Great Personality? Great Companion? Nooooope! He is the most annoying cat you can imagine! He has a very demanding personality; he will do whatever he wants whenever he wants to do it! Come and jump on the counter and meow at office guests? No problem! Go and lay down on the keyboard and exit (without saving) everything his fat behind sits on! Yuuup! Knocking everything over as he jumps from one counter to another to another! Yuuuuup! Do you see the picture here?
So what else has he done to annoy the office so much you ask? Why I will tell you! We can’t leave the front door open, at all! Anytime he sees a 6” gap opening in the front door he tries to run out to the front and eat wild grass! This is California you know! Even the evil cat DARTH KITTY wants his “medical issue grass”.  The odors that emanate from his litter box are just unholy! There’s no other way of putting it! You have never smelled such a cornucopia of odors!
Young  “Master” has vowed to defend the office from the evil Darth Kitty and tries to dissuade the evil Sith Lord from continuing  his oh so very annoying ways! However, Darth Kitty has sought many vengeful acts of revolt! He has deliberately gone and PEEED on one of the office couches! Have you ever smelled cat pee??? It’s not normal like human pee or doggie pee. Nope! This is industrial strength, cant breath without a military grade gas mask on, kind of smell.  It is pungent and incredibly overpowering! Yet the rebel office alliance, under the leadership of young “ Master”, still endures the constant annoying assaults of Darth Kitty.
Why not get rid of the cat you ask? Well it gets complicated. Darth Kitty has his own Evil Emperor Lord. Let’s call her “TCI Emperor”. “TCI Emperor” is the only entity, because even all the doggies are pissed off at the cat that truly enjoys his company. She can tolerate the annoying hair, the running outside, the stinky poopy, even the eye watering pissed off cat pee that’s on the couch. She is his protector, his lord. Like yoda said about the Sith, “Always two there are, no more, no less. A lord and an apprentice”

The Latest act of aggression from Darth Kitty was yesterday. As if it’s not bad enough that he has his cat hair all over the place, tries to escape anytime the door is opened, has toxic poop, pees on the couch and clothing as revenge, we have discovered a new weapon of the empire!

CLAWS! DARTH KITTY CAT CLAWS! Used ever so consistently to make holes in the black leather chairs in the front entrance to the building… Fucking Cat! He couldn’t have picked a more expensive scratch post? Maybe this is precursor of things to come. Like the Death Star under reconstruction! Is Darth Kitty Sharpening his claws, his weapons, in anticipation of future battles? What evil plan does the empire and DARTH Kitty have in store for the rebel office alliance?

Tune in to the next episode




Humming Stars wars theme: Nah Nah ,Nah Nah, Nah Nah .  Na Na Na Naaaaa Na. Na na na Naaaaaa na. Na Na Na Naaaaaaa na. na na na na…

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